God's Word for Today

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

weak with sorrow…

PS 31:9 Be merciful to me, O LORD, for I am in distress;
   my eyes grow weak with sorrow,
   my soul and my body with grief.

My DD and I went to a funeral yesterday.

This one was a hard one y’all. I have been to a few funerals in my day and this one rates right up there at the top of my list of life's most painful and difficult moments.

My heart hurts and my soul is in distress as the psalmist describes. My eyes are weak and feel like sandpaper, worn out from my tears.

His name was Aubrey, but I always called him Aubrey Thomas. He just struck me as a person that needed to be called by both his first and middle name. My daughter and he were not quite two years apart in age. From the time they could walk they were inseparable companions. We lived side by side, next door neighbors until we moved away in 2006.

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If I could not find my girl child I first looked at Aubrey’s house and vice versa. My house was just as much his home as his own at times. When they were very little the “knock before you come in rule” just did not mean anything. I’d be in my kitchen and in Aubrey would walk in inquiring sweetly if my daughter could come out and play.

How many Peanut Butter & Jelly sandwiched did I make for the two of them. How many bottles of bubbles got spilled in the sand box, how many boxes of sidewalk chalk, popsicles and juice boxes were passed to the both of them. How many times did I put Aubrey and my daughter in respective time outs until they could agree that they really did love each other and could act that way. How many time did I sit side by side with Aubrey on my front porch just talking about his day. How many times did I watch from my kitchen window as my daughter and he ran around in my back yard or rode their bikes down in the cul-de-sac or chased after fireflies on a summer evening. They had birthday parties, went trick or treating, swimming, roller skating and all the other childhood rights of passage.

 

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This is just too hard.

Regret floods over me as I look at the past five years since we moved away and had little contact with him. The reality of the awful truth is that there are things that happen that make no sense what so ever.

What makes a 13 year old child take his own like. I can not even comprehend how a mother would feel faced with this devastating reality. But the reality is I feel as if I have lost one of my own children. My heart is grieving and I am filled with sadness and pain.

I don't want to go on and on, but I did want to share with all of you this sad news and ask you to pray for Aubrey's family and for me and my daughter. I don’t understand why this has happen and I know that my daughter understands it even less than I do.

So no Random Dozen for me today, no Thankful Thursday or Flashback Friday, I will be back but I just need to step away and grieve for this precious child who is no longer in our lives.

Blessings

Robin

7 comments:

debbie said...

DEAR ROBIN,
LIFE IS JUST SO VERY FRAGILE AND MY PRAYERS GO OUT TO YOUR FAMILY, YOUR PRECIOUS DAUGHTER AND OF COURSE AUBREY AND HIS MOTHER.
THE DEATH OF A CHILD IS RARELY UNDERSTOOD AS YOU FEEL A PART OF YOUR BODY HAS BEEN RIPPED OFF AND YOU ARE NOW USING AN ARTIFICIAL LEG AND ARM TO MOTIVATE FOR THAT PART OF YOU THAT IS GONE. MY HEART CAN'T CONSUME HOW PAINFUL IT WOULD BE FOR A CHILD TO TAKE THEIR OWN LIFE...TO FEEL SO HOPELESS...MY PRAYERS, MY TEARS, AND MY HEART IS AVAILABLE TO LISTEN.
BLESSINGS AND LOVE TO YOU
SIMPLY DEBBIE

Mary said...

Prayers are going up for this little boy and his family, as well as for yours.

lailani said...

Oh how that turned my stomach when when I got to that sentence of how he died. As a mother of a 13 year old son, whose hormones are on a roller coaster, this is terrifying. As a mother period, this makes me want to cry for that mom I do not know, for you, as you have lost too and for your daughter and all his friends who will try to justify and understand this death, but won't be able to. Prayers lifted!!!

Patrice said...

I am so sad for this family. I know how hard this is for them. I am praying for them, for you and your sweet daughter.

Tales From My Empty Nest said...

Praying for all of you during this sad time. I know you all are hurting so much right now. Step away and take time to grieve and also help your sweet daughter get through this hard time in her life. Love & blessings from NC!

Kim said...

How incredibly heartbreaking for everyone who knew this dear boy. Praying for an extra measure of grace and comfort for all.

Terri Tiffany said...

I had to read back a few posts to find out why you were grieving so and now I know and my heart breaks for you, your daughter and this family. I am so very sorry. We don't know why a child would decide to act that way. IT is the biggest hardached anyone could experience I think. I am praying for you all.

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