If I Only Had a Brain

(Sing with me people…….)

I could while away the hours,
conferrin' with the flowers
Consultin' with the rain.
And my head I'd be scratchin'
while my thoughts were busy hatchin'

If I only had a brain.

I'd unravel every riddle
for any individ'le,
In trouble or in pain.
With the thoughts you'll be thinkin'
you could be another Lincoln

If you only had a brain.

Oh, I could tell you why
The ocean's near the shore.
I could think of things I never thunk before.
And then I'd sit, and think some more.
I would not be just a nothin' my head all full of stuffin'
My heart all full of pain.
I would dance and be merry,
life would be a ding-a-derry,

If I only had a brain.

Not only is this one of my favorite movies, it is now for the next several hours my personal theme song.

So proceed with caution for the operator of this blog is officially no longer in possession of a working brain. Sadly I may look like a very normal person from all outward appearances, however at a moment’s notice my brain can randomly fall out of my head and I am left to function without this most necessary of human organs. It is sad but none the less true.

Let me set the stage a bit. My DH is on a business trip and my DD and I decide to head out for dinner. We even had a coupon. Buy one get one free. Yea for us!

DD had chocolate chip pancakes and I had some very delicious crêpes with scrambles eggs, sautéed spinach, melted Swiss Cheese smothered in a wonderful hollandaise sauce. It was delicious.

I did all but lift my plate and lick it clean. I sat satisfied for a few moments amiably enjoying some special mother daughter bonding and then I reached into my purse to retrieve my wallet.

Now remember my theme song.

I would dance and be merry,
life would be a ding-a-derry,

If I only had a brain.

You guessed it, no wallet, no checkbook, no debit card, and no credit card.

I checked my pockets, every nook, cranny and zipper compartment and nada!

The look on my DD’s face was priceless. The reality that her mother no longer had a brain was somewhat disconcerting to her. She began to laugh nervously as I sat across from her desperately willing a twenty dollar bill to drop from the sky.

Alas my DH is in Arkansas on business, my DS is unreliable and broke and I am wondering if they will let me leave my Pocket PC as collateral while I drive back home to retrieve my wallet that I have just remembered is sitting next to the computer, where earlier in the day (while my brain was still safely inside my head) I had like a responsible brain possessing person taken the time to enter all my receipts from the week before into my check register on the computer. It is amazing what you can do with a brain in your head.

I sat for a moment and pondered my situation. Various scenarios were running through my head.

I made phone call number one and got a voice mail. Drat!!

I sat for a minute more working out the possible solutions. I assured my daughter that I would figure something out, (which would be a bit difficult to accomplish since I have already shared with you that I no longer have a brain) all the while wondering what I was going to do.

So we have established that I HAVE NO BRAIN, a miracle occurs and I have an actual thought. I have a friend who does not live to far from where we were.

I reached out with phone call number two. A second miracle happens and my friend actually answered the phone and she was at home, another miracle.

I blurted out that I was having a minor emergency and was in desperate need of $20.00.

Ten minutes later, as I was pacing back and forth in front of the IHOP lamenting to my husband the seriousness off being married to a woman with no brain my wonderful friend arrived to save my bacon.

She pulled up produced the twenty and I was saved.

I profusely thanked her. I then briefly shared with her the short but sweet conversation I had just had with my DD.

I asked her what she had learned from this unusual experience.

Her immediate response was “Always make sure you have you wallet in your purse! MOM!”

“But, what else have you learned?” I asked

She went on the list “Well, make sure you have some cash MOM or a credit card or a check book……”

“But what else?” I asked again.

She thought for a second or two and then a sweet revelation washed over her.

“Make sure you always have good friends!” she answered.

Ding, ding, ding……..Give that girl a gold star!

As I paid my bill and left my tip I gave a silent and heartfelt prayer of thanksgiving for friendship.

So in conclusion and with much regret I hereby nominate myself (again) for the much coveted and highly prestigious Goober Award.

Please, please, no really, stop, stop, hold you applause!

So please take pity on my humility and feel free to share any similar experiences of you own!

I would love to share the limelight!

Misery and stupidity love company!