Which for me can be a bit dangerous.
However with my fluctuating hormonal state I have to take the functional brain activity when I can get it.
The other day at the pottery studio we were talking, that is not unusual, we are always chattering about all sorts of things, however one of our newest Pottery Peep’s commented on a picture I had posted on Facebook of my latest painting. She and I had been friend for years but apparently it had never come up in conversation “I had no idea you were an artist!” she said.
There are things that may be, at times, to personal to share about ones self for fear that you place your heart out there for all the world to see. Plus sometime I just think the whole thing is just not noteworthy enough to bring up in conversation.
Also at the age I am I am finding that I am less and less concerned of what other folks think of me, however I am a bit more sensitive where my creative endeavors are concerned. It is sort of like wanting to please your favorite art teacher. Inherently we all want to be liked on some level.
I have also been thinking on the why or where this sudden onset of creative energy has come from.
I made an impromptu trip to Hobby Lobby and purchased several new blank canvases, some additional paints and other painting paraphernalia simply because I wanted them. There was also an ulterior motive at work as well. I wanted to make sure I had the supplies at hand so that I could paint when ever I wanted to.
So where does all this come from….
I think there are many factors at work here.
The first being maturity. I recognize that it’s not really important what y'all think of what I am working on. I love it when folks like what I am doing, however just finding joy in pursuing something that fulfills me is a good thing.
Second I have no scientific evidence to back this up, but I think the waning hormones, the natural ebbing away of estrogen and progesterone has made some kind of internal shift. I may be loosing hormones by the gallon but my creative energy tank is getting topped off on a regular basis.
Thirdly, there is a HUGE factor of time. When I was younger I was so focused on getting a painting done. I wanted that immediate gratification. Having gone though some of my old canvases and cringing in horror I can now see the error of that line of thinking. Now I am not concerned with getting it done, with starting and finished all in a day or two. Now I am more focused with getting it right, being happy with the end result and enjoying the process.
Working with the clay has further enhanced that notion. There is simply no way to start and finish a vessel all in one day. There are very defined stages in how the process works. One must wait for things to dry, to be fired, to be glazed, the process can not be rushed. It just takes as long as it takes. It is also wrought with human error, mostly mine! I can completely love a vessel only to have the glaze turn out less than desired.
So I am learning that there is value in the process and not just the end result.
I am learning that “learning” has value too!
This flower vase is the perfect example. The first go round the glazing turned out terrible. I was so disappointed. However there are times when re-glazing a second time is the thing to do. Sometime you are just over it and the disappointing whatever it is gets relegate to a dog bowl or door stop, then there are times when you throw caution to the wind and give it another go.
This re-glaze worked very well. I was very pleased with the outcome. The sad thing is that given the fact that it was a re-glaze the chances of trying to hit this mark again are one in a million. However I have thrown a second small flower vase and I am going to attempt to get lightning to strike twice and see if I can achieve the same results again!
Lastly, there is also value in walking away for something for a time. I had stepped way from this painting for a very long time. Several weeks ago I had a surge of energy and found myself in front of this canvas yet again. It just did not seem to be finished to me. Every time I looked at it it just felt incomplete. I would wander up to the studio and dabble on it a bit, haul the painting back down stairs to set it on the mantle to live with it for a few days. That is always the litmus test for me. Once I have lived with it for a few days I usually get the sense if something is finished.
Well, after multiple trips back up and to the isle and then back down to the mantle again over several weeks I have finally achieved a sense of completion.
For now anyway, it is finished.
Happy Sunday Y’all