God's Word for Today

Saturday, November 15, 2014

A moratorium on maturity!

My glasses are broken, my car is in the shop and my DVR is broken!

So…….for the next 24 hours I have decided that I am declaring an a moratorium on maturity!


My DVR in done for. My provider is sending us another one, however until then we are forced to watch television in real time! For real! It probably will not get here until Monday or Tuesday. That means we have to endure the WHOLE WEEKEND watching television in real time! What is this 1970! I’m think’n that a broken DVR rates at least an overnight FEDX delivery, cause this is important, right!


And since it went kaput it has not recorded any of my current programming. This in turn has forced me to watch a few shows on the computer. This means that I am forced to watch commercials. It also reminds me how much our internet totally blows as well. Our download speed is akin to something that resembles the speed of a snail. So Now I have to watch commercials, waiting while the show reloads for the millionth time all while holding my glasses out a few inches from my face because I can’t see my computer screen.


The mature woman whispers in my ear that I need to be thankful that I have my eyesight. The mature woman points out to me that I have a nice safe warm house to live in and a full pantry.

However since I have embraced the 24 hour moratorium on my maturity I will continue to whine about the fact that I have to get out in the cold and actually drive all the way to Wal Mart to see if they can fix my glasses. Because the Wal-Mart is ALL the way in Hamilton Mill and THAT is like 15 minutes away. I might as well be flying to Outer Mongolia! Going to Wal-Mart also requires that I take a shower, get dressed, brush my teeth, comb my hair and put my shoes on. The horror that is my life y’all! I HAVE TO GET DRESSED!


I think I will lay in the floor and kick my feet and pitch a hissy fit at having to actually watch television in real time. I want my pause button! I want my fast forward button. I want to watch what I want to watch when I want to watch it and I DON’T want to watch the commercials!


AND the reality that I had several recorded programs that I had yet to watch all gone into the black hole, cause you know they are in there somewhere!


Y’all remember the good ol days back in the dark ages when we actually thought cable television was a good thing. We were all so excited about the concept of how great it was going to be. Now, we have all been indoctrinated into the concept of paying for television AND ALL the channels have commercials. That is unless you want to pay extra for a movie channel that can bring R/MA rated content right at your fingertips. I get enough of that on regular television thank you very much! We pay to watch commercials….even at the movie theater! How did that happen! Y’all has the zombie apocalypse occurred!


So here I sit holding my glasses away from my face, because without them I am almost legally blind.

So lets recount my misery! I am blind, in need of a shower and whining about having to get out in the cold to drive to Outer Mongolia AND forced to watch television in real time AND being forced to endure stupid commercials.


Oh and I almost forget, the repairs are finished on my car, but the insurance company has not sent the body shop the final payment so the repair shop will not release my car until they receive their final payment. So I am stuck driving a shiny new rental car for the weekend…..Oh wait! I lost my head for a second! They can keep my old car and I will drive this new one, but then that kind shoots a hole in my moratorium on maturity for 24 hours. But wait this rental car is wider and longer than my car so I have a hard time getting it in my garage. So how horrible is that! I am spatially challenged so every time I pull into my garage I am traumatized that I will knock off a side mirror or have a spasm and drive the car into my dinning room. There I feel better now that I have shaken off that thankfulness!


The mature woman just smacked me upsidethehead and told me to put my big girl panties on, turn the television off, get in the shower, then get in the new rental car go to Wal-Mart and get my glasses fixed, then come back home to my warm dry home fix myself a latte and read a good book.


This concludes the whining and complaining portion of the morning….that is until I get back from Wal-Mart!





The Bug said...

I'm so sorry for your woe, but you turned it into hilarity for me :)

And now I have to get dressed & go to Walmart. Ordinarily I wouldn't wear makeup (it's just Walmart for heaven's sake), but I have a rosacea breakout right now & I need to shield other humans from it...


I am sorry for all that has gone wrong...but that was one of the best posts I have read in a while. I laughed out loud. Thank you for making me smile.

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