Be Still and Know...Then and Now

Ever since I was a little girl I have had a significant fear of conflict. I once witnessed an argument between my parents and my dad left afterwards. I translated that to mean that if you fight with your husband then they walk out on you and never come back. In reality my dad actually did walk out on us. However I feel certain it was not a result of that one argument that I witnessed as a child. It took me many years to make the connection between what I had witnessed as a child and my fear of conflict in all areas of my life. As a grown woman who has successfully maneuvered over thirty plus years of marriage I can state that I still shy away from conflict, but I no longer feel that a marital spat will end my marriage. Regretfully the scars of my experience have translated to a hesitation to enter into situations where I think there may be some conflict involved. My stomach begins to hurt and I have an automatic flight response. I want to avoid any forms of conflict. The other t...

Some days my brain and thought process works just fine, like today. I was able to follow through with several projects and actually get them completed.  Other days, if feels like my brain is stuffed with an enormous wad of hormonally soaked cotton. I teeter on bursting into tears over not being able to remember to remove the dryer lint from the lint trap or resisting the urge to break all my dinner plates by smashing them against the kitchen floor.  Toss into the mix a mouthy teenage daughter and by the end of the day the administration of a medicinal cocktail is a requirement not a luxury! The other side effect of all of this is that my tolerance for complications is almost non existent. Case in point, now that the girlchild had gradated high school the next logical step is collage. However, almost everything about the process of getting her enrolled into college has been an exercise complications, errors and a big fat waste of time and energy. None of wh...

I’ve been thinking about updating my blog for about forever, however the desire, the energy, the actually words to share seemed to disappear. It’s only August and it feels like about ten years has passed. Sometimes things pile up on ya, when life tosses a whole pile of stuff at your door and you sit back and wonder why does life have  to be so hard at times. The reality, my life is no more or less difficult than anyone else's. My mom died in January. It was very unexpected and it was defiantly not the way we expected to begin the new year. My daughter graduated from high school in May, again, I’m not the only mom dealing with shifting roles, growing pains and learning how to parent a child that wants to be a grown-up, but in reality is still a child in my mind. Hormonally, I am on the downward spiral and find that the ebbing of my natural female function to be difficult. The emotional ups and downs are at times very difficult to maneuver through. Focusing on the reality ...