Does the sound of the rain comfort you?
I was sitting in my chair this morning listening to the rain and wondering. Is there any sound in the world that brings with it a more peaceful feeling? Maybe the train whistle far off in the distance that I just heard comes close.
I am not sure why I opened up blogger this morning.
The daughter just left for school, which means due to our lack of adequate transportation I am under house arrest until she returns. We make due until we can sort out this latest wrinkle, not having a big ol' pile of money for a third car at our disposal is at times a big pain in my you know what. Had the girlchild heeded our warnings several years ago and set about saving the necessary funds then none of this would be necessary, yet again the sacrifices a parent makes for the needs of a child.
The reality, like I was getting out in the rain to drive her to school just so I could have the car.....sooooooo not happening this morning.
So here I sit listing to the train whistle and the rain wash things clean, enjoy the peace and quiet in my home.
I had a nice long break from household chores for several weeks as the husband was on an extended business trip for almost a month. However, he is home now so the domestic chores like cooking and cleaning have resumed. Yea for me!
There have been a few life observations that have been placed before me over the course of the last few days.
It never ceases to amaze me how quickly one can be sucked back in time to a painful memory. Neither time or distance are protection from those painful things you have stored up in your heart. The rush of feelings you thought you had dealt with or grown past rush back in like a burst damn. They wash over you and before you know it you are right back where you thought you would never be again.
The other truth of living a life in Christ is that for as great as God is the evil one never take a day off either. He is always looking for a foothold and will pounce at any given second if you let your guard down. Something will happen, you will make a connection with a long past familiar feeling and then within a matter of seconds you are in full freak out mode. Drenched in the certainty that something of equal significance is about to land in your life all over again.
My second truth is that in that moment of weakness I have learned the no matter what the evil one places in my path I know who is stronger. I can at that moment take a deep breath and move past the panic or the circumstance. I can recognize that even thought I may be facing something unforeseen, something that is bringing stress back into my life, the realty is that it is far from disastrous. The evil one just wants me to yield to the temptation to give up.
My next reality, I've got my big girl panties on!
I have been pruned so many time in the past by life's difficulties that I have some well worn prayer callus on my knees. My sisters in Christ are there to talk me down off the ledge and help me see the smoke screen of my internal fears.
I can do all thing though Him who strengthens me and the evil on can go sit on a tack! (Phil 4:13)
What all this about? Y'all are going to laugh when I tell you!
I have arthritis in my hip. Told ya!
I have been in some pretty extreme pain for several weeks now. I finally broke down and called the doctor. However given our current health insurance situation we have to pay 100% until we reach out gazillion dollar deductible. This means that any treatment not covered by the policy (and the only thing covered by the policy is a yearly physical and preventive diagnostic procedures like mammograms, if we get sick....if is not covered) fall fully in our lap. So this was coming straight out of our pocket 100%. I was over the top frustrated with the inability of any one at the doctors office to be able to give me any assistance in determining what the office visit would cost.
To give you some background history, I received a cancer diagnosis back in 1993, none of which was covered by our insurance we had at the time. So the entirety of the treatment fell in our lap. When all was said and done we ended up with over $25,000.00 worth of hospital and doctor bills. At the time we were basically just over the poverty line so we did not qualify for any government help. My life was a daily exercise in trying to figure out how to pay the bills. Not to mention being humiliated by soulless collection agencies and avoiding trips to the mail box to see what new bill was coming in that we could not pay for.
All this was so overwhelming that is completely overshadowed the most important factor. The surgery had been successful and I was going to be completely fine, yet even this outstanding news was completely overshadowed by the day to day black cloud that hovered over our household for over a decade.
Imagin a decade of being told by unscrupulous bill collectors that you are the worst kind of human being and that you are moments away from having your home and possessions taken away to settle your financial responsibilities. I was screamed at, called names, threatened, belittled and basically made to feel less than human but they weekly sometimes daily calls.
The remnants linger even today as I have an aversion to walking to the mailbox to retrieve the mail. I am still plagued by memories of the endless stream of bills that came in month after month that we could not pay.
So fast forward to yesterday. I was on the phone with the doctors office trying to find out how much the office visit was going to coast.
I think I would have had better luck trying to get my hands on the Dead Sea Scrolls then get a simple dollar amount for how much it was going to cost me to walk through the doors of the doctors office.
It happened so quickly, I was washed over by the familiar feeling.
"How will you be paying for this today?"
I was right back there in that situation in full freak out mode and I had not even left my recliner.
The reality is that our situation is totally different. Our financial situation is totally different. I am totally different, however in that brief moment the evil one stuck his foot in the door and went for a joy ride.
Even as a seasoned Christian, believing for over 25 year, studied the bible for over 20, knowing the truth I am still vulnerable to attack. In truth the evil one works even harder to distract those who are walking in the truth even more diligently.
To sum all this up. I am waiting on a call back to find out how much it will cost to stick a giant needle in my hip under local anesthesia. Yea for me.
If that does not work then there is hip replacement in my future.Double yea for me!
The difference is that even if I do have my moments of freaking out I also know that which is in the world is not stronger than that which is in me. (1 John 4:4)
Hip replacement is not Cancer?
I can do this!
Getting older is not for sissies, this is a true and reliable statement!