From time to time I find it necessary to escape from reality. When life become to…well lifelike I know it’s time for a mental vacation.
It was early spring and the pollen was keeping her from opening her windows. She could watched the yellow clouds of pollen swirl around outside as the wind whipped through her evergreens down the side yard. She lazed around in her jammie’s and enjoyed her coffee. She worked on a post for her blog, she even thought about what she would cook for dinner that evening. Maybe she would go to the Home Depot and buy her tomato seedlings and some basil and her other spring plantings for her vegetable garden. She took another sip of her coffee and wrinkled her nose as she found it cold having sat by her keyboard to long. She walked to the kitchen and refilled her cup and the wonderful fragrance of the roasted Columbian beans wafted up from her mug. She added a generous helping of non-dairy creamer and watched it swirl around. She loved that color, it was a soft warm blondish brown and she knew when she drew the cup to her lips that it would taste just as good. She retuned to the computer and began to type. The sound of her fingers clicking away on the keys was a comfort as the words began to spill forth filling the page.
Wouldn’t it be great to just blog all day long she thought!
Life was good!
She thought about and longed for her upcoming vacation. For the warm tropical breezes, the umbrella drinks, the cool jewel colored water, the bright tropical fish, the smell of the ocean, the feel of the sand between her toes. The anticipation of it just filled her up to the point where she just wanted to sprout wings and fly away right then and there.
The muffled sound of the wind chimes was quiet and far off from the back yard. She was sitting in her sunroom just listing to the quiet of her house. Her mind began to wander, suddenly there was a harsh knocking on her imaginary door. She looked up from her place in the dark corner. She shivered in a crouched position as she quietly and repeatedly pounded her head against the padded wall, over and over again. Her warm jammies were not jammies any more. They were a dull blue hospital gown and she had those unattractive stretchy terry cloth socks with the rubber treads on her feet. It was cold and she was shivering curled up in a ball in the corner. There was a small thick reinforce glass window at the top of the white locked metal door. The florescent light from the hall way was just beginning to come through just enough to bring some light into the dark room. A industrial lunch tray was slid through a slot in the door. It jerked to a stop as it landed abruptly and a piece of toast fell sideway off the tray and bounced on the floor. She looked at the piece of toast but only saw sadness and hurt, then she thought, toast isn't supposed to bounce. Maybe she really was nuts after all? It was just her breakfast. Powdered eggs, cold toast, a packaged cup of fruit cocktail and a luke warm cup of black coffee. No this was crazy! The guard on the psycho ward slammed shut the small slot in the door and banged with his night stick “Breakfast!” and continued down the hall. All these images went though her head and she wondered what happen to the idyllic thoughts of just a few moments ago. The tomato seedling, the sandy beaches were replaced very disturbing images!
The burden of life had become to much to for her to bear and she had slipped into a full blown psychotic break brought on by the emotional terrorist in her life. The massive piles of disappointment had been heaped upon her. Dropped into her life like a dirty bomb full of toxic chemicals. She felt like her life had become an episode of TLC’s Hoarding:Buried. She was struggling to climb over the emotional garbage that had been dumped into her life.
She wondered if possibly she was the last sane person on the planet. Thinking that everyone else had just completely lost their minds because the events of the last few day are simple beyond belief. What was right and just and moral for her seemed the complete opposite of those around her. The scales were out of balance.
Wait…what…have I really gone and done it this time.
It’s official Robin @ Be Still and Know has lost her mind at least temporarily anyway and for the purposes of my little literary illustration it just works better from a story telling point of view so y’all will just have to bear with me.
At least that is what it feels like anyway. I don’t know about you, but being blindsided by life’s unexpected stuff is down right no fun. It feels like the world grabbed me and shook me so hard that brain has literally fallen out of my head and it is now being kicked around like a soccer ball.
Have you ever been so emotionally hurt that it felt like a physical punch in the stomach?
Please forgive my vagueness, my ranting but there are times when life just get’s to hard and things seem to overwhelming.
Where’s Robin today…well she has gone to be with the fairies. Picture in your mind if you will beautiful small sparkly winged fairies who sing happy songs and dance happy dances and flit about spreading happy fairy dust. The have come and taken her away to La La Land where she can blog to her hearts content, drink latte’s, plant baby tomato plant’s, and go in vacation! Robin loves her special fairies because they help her wash away the unpleasantness with good and happy thoughts and fairy dust because in her real world…well let’s just say that I am so thankful that God’s word states:
Psalm 4:4 In your anger do not sin…
So given that anger is a legitimate emotion and angry feelings are normal I have to work through my anger and not let that anger motivate me to retaliate or to say something I will regret.
What do I want? What I want is for an army of angry ugly dark and unhappy fairies to descend upon those who have caused all of this with their evil nasty fairy dust and sharp pointy fairy wands with which they poke, sting and torment all day long.
Ya ya ya I know…not very Jesus like! I’m just trying to keep it real here!
But confession time. I may not be sinning in my anger with my actions but it sure is happening in my head!
I’m thinking it! Hmmmm……2 Corinthians 10:5 comes to mind!
5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
every thought obedient to Christ…not so much, at least not over the last few days anyway!
Maybe that’s why I was having a mental vacation in the psyche ward!!!!!
In my head I am thinking of so many horrible things. Things that I would never really act upon but the sinful nature of being human places all kinds of unpleasantness in my thoughts. Things I may want to do in retaliation yet I hear the word of Jesus.
Turn the other cheek!
Forgive them for they know not what they do!
Love as I have loved!
1 Peter 5:7-9
7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.8 Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9 Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
4 say to those with fearful hearts,
“Be strong, do not fear;
your God will come,
he will come with vengeance;
with divine retribution
he will come to save you.”
2 Timothy 4:16
16 At my first defense, no one came to my support, but everyone deserted me. May it not be held against them.
18 “If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. 19 If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. 20 Remember the words I spoke to you: ‘No servant is greater than his master.’[a] If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also. If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also.
There is only one thing left to say! And she said it better than anyone else I know!
I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow.
Disclaimer: No animals, small children or fairies were harmed in the writing of the post. Any reference to real emotions and or real individual is purely coincidental. I am not nor have I ever been in a mental hospital and I am not banging my head against a padded wall, at least not right now anyway! No ill feelings or discriminatory images' were intend in any way regarding mentally ill person’s.