When life fills your cup to overflowing what do you do?
I have experienced many times in my life when I felt as if I was truly dwelling in the desert. I also understand that without these times of suffering we can never fully embrace our times of abundance. The key to enduring the sweltering heat, the refining fire and the pruning away is to (during these difficult expanses) keep your eyes focused on where the true source of strength comes from.
Now I have to confess to you that there are many days when I shift my focus and take a deep and unsatisfying drink of self pity, when I question why certain things happen, when I try to make sense of the truly unexplainable, when I allow my inner thought to race ahead into the unknown. Herding kittens comes to mind, talk abut a truly impossible task.
For me one of the keys to endurance is very simple. Recognition, knowing what I have control over and what I do not. I may want control over a person or a situation, however the reality is that rarely do we ever have control over someone else’s actions or an uncontrollable situation.
How much time do I waist needlessly reliving what could be or what should have been, but the reality is that to really focus on the way things are at times can be a very bitter pill to swallow.
Denial works for short period of time, I have been know to blow up my float, fix my straw hat to my head, kick back and let the current take me away, it helps if you have an umbrella drink in hand as well. Focusing on the day to day workings of life helps, latching on to the simple things, the things that do not change, relishing the very basics, how things taste, the smell of the air as the seasons change, scripture, prayer, breathing, sleeping, waking and beginning again.
My time and energy these days is in a constant shift, the balancing act of trying to discern the things that I can control and the things that I need to hold on an open palm and lift up to the Lord. What to do? What not to do? When to speak….when to be silent.
Let me be clear, I can very defiantly distinguish between what I can control and what needs to be left in the hands of our all powerful and capable Heavenly Father, it is the letting go and letting God that gets in the way. If everyone one would just consent to do thing my may, well the possibilities for perfection are limitless (yea right!)
Over the last few weeks in my bible study we have focused on desert dwelling. John the Baptist spent his time living in the desert eating wild honey and locust, Jesus began his ministry with a 40 day fast in the desert where he was tempted in every way by the devil. OK, OK, OK……so if I have to pitch my little old tent in the sweltering heat surrounded by the prickly cactus of reality and the painful heartbreak of standing back and letting the consequences of selfishness and rebellion blossom in the life of my son (like I have a choice) I will. My point in all this ramblings is to give an explanation.
My post may be infrequent, they may from time to time be fluffy and mindless trips down the river denial. I invite you to grab your float and hat and umbrella drink and come along. They may from time to time be reflective of the internal (and frustrated maternal) hissy fits that erupt in my hormonally charged psyche.
For today I am thankful for yarn, they way it feels as it pulls through my fingers, with each stitch, with each row I finish, something that was not there before is there. One stitch is the same as the other, it will be the same tomorrow and the next day. If I make a mistake I can very simply gently pull and pull and my mistake is gone. (if all life’s mistakes cold be rectified with a simple pull and rework) Repetition, keeping my mind busy, simplicity, the same over and over, and then your finished. One day it will be wrapped around someone who is in need. This I understand!
Today I also recognize that I have no control over nature, the small squirrel who lost it’s life as it darted out in front of my car. The tiny thump thump under my tire as I ran over it in my car made me recognize very clearly how random things can be. I tried to stop, but especially in squirrel territory, who has not at one time or another unintentionally removed one of these small creatures from the face of the earth.
Yarn, crochet, life and death.
That’s my explanation, for today anyway!