God's Word for Today

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Out of Sight out of Mind

I have to share with all of you that I am in an unusual pace. For so long all I wanted was some peace and quiet. All I wanted was for the anxiety and the tension to be removed from my home. Thoughts like “I just want him out of my home!” would be daily occurrences’ in my conversations. Immediately after these kinds of thoughts I would feel like a horrible mother. But it did not make it any less true.

After a while the well of your motherly compassion runs a bit dry after you have been verbally abused, taken advantage of and lied to for the millionth time. Your motherly compassion tends to be placed on the back burner when you find revolting reading material hidden under the sofa in his room. Your motherly compassion is beginning to run on fumes with every new lie or new situation you see him enter into that you find questionable or heartbreaking.

But here is the strange part. For as much as I wanted the turmoil and deceit that his presence brought into our lives to be removed, I find that now that he is out on his own, I have this strange sense of longing for just a small glimpse of him.

But then not really. I want to see him, but I know that the moment I lay eyes on him my stomach will begin to churn and I will begin to search for the latest piercing or tattoo.

So how can I long for him to be gone from my home but yearn to see for myself if he is OK. I’m a mom, that’s how!

His birthday is next week, I have a gift for him in my sitting room. Does he deserve it, no, but I have one anyway. Will he appreciate the gesture, probably not, yet I could not let the occasion of his birth go unrecognized. It is wrapped and ready, however given the fact that he has no real job and his phone has been disconnected I may not be able to give it to him. I was fine as long as I had the illusion of being able to contact him, now that I have no way to make a connection with him I find that my imagination has run amuck.

The old saying “Out Of Sight Out Of Mind” really is true. I do very well as long as I do not stop to think about my son.

I was good through the entire Sunday school lesson today and then we circled up to pray and I just lost it. My husband asked everyone to pray for our son and the tears just welled up within me and I wept as I listen to him share about our attempts to invite our son for a birthday celebration only to find his phone disconnected.

I was good until I started to think about him. I was good until I was not good. I was in my safe and loving environment, God’s house. I did not need to hold it together with my brother and sisters in Christ, they are my first line of defense when it comes to praying for my son.

So “Out Of Sight Out Of Mind” may be true some of the time. It may be true while I am folding towels and watching the food network, it may be true while I am balancing my checkbook and paying my bills. I can day after day fill my head with busyness, but when I am in the process of worship, when I am seeking wisdom with fellow brothers and sisters as we search out the truth of God’s word somehow “Out Of Sight Out Of Mind” no longer applies.

I am so thankful that “Out Of Sight Out Of Mind” never applies to our relationship with our Heavenly Father. He is our Jehovah-Roi, the God who sees me. I am never out of His sight nor out of His mind.

My son may be running from God, but I know that God’s Heavenly eyes are upon him at all times.

Even when I do not know where my son is or what he is doing God sees him very clearly.

Even when I am blissfully absorbed in the daily runnings of life and I am intentionally not thinking of my son and have let the “Out Of Sight Out Of Mind” sweep me away I know that God is standing in the gap.

God has His eyes on him!

3 comments:

Paula (SweetPea) said...

In a strange way, Robin, your posting has touched me. In some instances where you spoke of your son, I thought of my loved one (husband in my heart). He too is running from God but what's worse is from what I know, he is reading God's word, praying, worshiping, attending church. Satan has deceived him of God's Truths for his life. Out of sight out of mind has worked for me. Yet, today, I saw and spoke to him for the first time in nine months! I can't believe it had been that long and unfortunately, the conversation was just has hurtful as it was then (well maybe one hair less) but the impact it's had on me has been harder.

I had a very hard time in worship this morning even though church was before I saw him. Pastor spoke on God being a God of second chances and new beginnings. I know He's given me a second chance with Him and given me a changed heart in my walk with him. However, my heart broke because my loved one doesn't believe I have nor ever will change and even if so, there's no reason to befriend me. I'm just having a really hard time knowing what God wants me to believe and stand for in this situation. You mentioned standing in the gap. I have been standing in the gap believing God to change him and his heart to know the True path God wants for him. I'm still standing in the gap but I feel I've been knocked down to reality today.

I apologize for going on like this.
Paula

skoots1mom said...

separation hurts...so much.
Rest, cry, ponder, yell...rest, cry, ponder, yell in Him, that is. He can take it!

godlover said...

Robin, I'm sorry about the things that hurt you so. I know the kind of struggle you're going through. We all have them or most of us do anyway. Blogs make a great vent for frustrations and heartbreaks. There are so many people who are going through their own trials. You can always find someone who will listen and understand. I am "standing in the gap" too with my son. Although by appearances he's perfectly normal and very well respected. But he's running from the Lord. Sadly, I brought him up as a Jehovah's Witness and it turned him against God entirely. The guilt I carry over this is tremendous. He almost got to the point where he would be the God-follower I so long for him to become but Satan tripped him up and he now seems farther away than ever before. It breaks my heart when I am with him because the Lord is the "air I breathe" and I cannot listen to that song without crying over him, wanting him so much to have the relationship I now have with the Lord as a Christian saved by His unmerited grace. I have had to place him in God's hands and pray that he will come to a saving faith in Jesus. I know this seems small compared to the problem you're dealing with especially when my son is in his 40s but a mother's pain knows no boundaries. I will pray for your son when I pray for mine. Let me know his name so I can personalize it for him. My heart goes out to you. My son that committed suicide was a bit of a rebel so I kind of know your pain. I understand the Out of Sight Out of Mind mindset. But my heart just breaks for you and I will feel honored to be able to pray for him and for you too. I believe that's why God has brought us together. He wants me to pray for your son and for you.

Thanks for visiting my blog I enjoyed your comments.
Marj
http://gdlvr.blogspot.com

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